Diary of a Sleep Deprived Mother

If you are a mother, you are probably reading the title and thinking, "aren't we all!"  When you decide to have children, you go into it with the thought of knowing you will be losing some sleep, or no more sleeping in, which is all very true, but some of us have it more difficult than others!  Most other mothers that I talk to have children that sleep 12-14 hours a day and sleep through the night.  I am not so fortunate!
Ryne will be a year old on Wednesday, and he STILL doesn't sleep through the night!!!  I remember at Ryne's 2-week well visit, the pediatrician told me not to expect to sleep until Ryne was 3 months, 13 lbs and 3 chins (fat baby)!  I thought I was going to die right then and there because I LOVE sleep!  Three months of not sleeping through the night - Agggh!!  Well three months rolled around - still waking up at night for a feeding or two.  Thirteen pounds rolled around - still waking up at night, etc.  Three chins has never rolled around.  Ryne takes after me - he's on the thin side!  At three months Ryne was having a lot of sleep issues and spit-up issues, we took him to the pediatrician and found out that he had reflux - most babies do nowadays because of the "Back to Sleep" campaign, where babies are supposed to sleep on their back to reduce the risk of SIDS.  Ryne didn't grow out of his reflux as soon as we had hoped.   So Ryne continued to wake up at night for a feeding and had to take a bottle and be rocked to sleep every night and every naptime - not good!  To this day I can count on two hands the amount of times Ryne has slept at least 8 hours without waking up for a feeding!  This is where you pull your hair out!!
Recently, Ryne has stopped taking all his reflux medication and hardly spits-up - definitely nothing compared to what he used to do!  So, naturally we assumed that he would begin to sleep through the night.  Um, NO!  The sleep issue has gotten worse here recently.  He fights tooth and nail (sometimes literally) to avoid going to bed.  We've been putting him in his crib when he fights to let him cry a little and wind down, and then giving a bottle and rocking.  That method hasn't been working this past week and he is still waking up during the night for a feeding!  Most other mothers/parents that I've talked to have said to put him in his crib to cry and shut the door and don't go back in there.  There are some dangers to the Cry It Out method, like decreased oxygen intake from crying so long, not catering to true needs like pain, etc., and the development mistrust issues.  Those thoughts kill me and I feel like that's a little on the extreme side, but different strokes for different folks!
Finally yesterday, I had had enough!  A year of this nonsense, you've got to be kidding me!  Ryne had only slept 7 hours (bedtime and two naps) and cried for 45 minutes at naptime #2 so I decided to take him to the pediatrician.  Basically the pediatrician told me that Ryne is a "trained night crier and trained night feeder" - a double whammy, and it all stems from the reflux issues!  The pediatrician said "It's just not fair."  Ryne has developed an aversion to sleep because he associates sleep with pain (from the reflux) and since a reflux baby has to take smaller/more frequent feedings he has developed the habit of waking up during the night for food, even though he's not hungry.  The pediatrician gave me the "baby sleep Bible"..."according to Job" he added!  The sleep issues should be resolved in at least two weeks.  Ryne goes for his well visit next week so if he is still not sleeping through the night they will reevaluate.  So we are on day 2 of Hell Week! The first night is usually the hardest, which it was absolutely terrible last night!
The literature suggested I keep a sleep diary, so here we are folks - the Diary of a Sleep Deprived Mother - Day 1!  And yes I am aware that this is supposed to be for Ryne, but lets face it, I'm in this just as much as he is!
Last night Ryne went down fairly well.  He didn't go to sleep until 11:15ish.  I read his bedtime books, gave him a bottle and rocked him until he got drowsy.  I put him in his crib and he cried for about 8ish minutes.  He woke up twice during the night.  The first time he cried about 5 minutes and fell back asleep.  The second time is what makes the first night the worst!  Ryne's cry sounded different.  It was the 'I'm scared or in pain' cry. I still waited 10 minutes to see if he might go back to sleep.  After 10 minutes the crying continued and started to escalate.  So the literature says that you can get them out of the crib and hold them (contrary to what most  CIO parents do).  Ryne still cried and cried.  Finally I decided to make a bottle since a trained night feeder has to have the nighttime feeding tapered down.  Ryne refused the bottle, so I knew this was something different.  I gave him a little Motrin for pain and still the crying continued.  I tried rocking him, getting his best bud, Tad, out of the crib to hold, a pacifier - nothing was calming him down.  Finally about a hour later, he took a bottle while being rocked and started to drift off to sleep.  So I put him in his crib with Tad before he was completely asleep.  He let out a few whimpers and then finally fell asleep!  By the time I got back in bed, the sun was starting to come up!  I got back in bed after that emotionally exhausting hour and we both slept until 8:45.  So he slept more, even with the hour of crying, than he had the past two nights.  He is currently down for his first nap and has been asleep over an hour!  Yippeee!
This process is grueling.  It pulls at your heartstrings and wreaks havoc on your emotions that your child wants you/thinks they need you and you can't just go and pick them up and comfort them.  It tests your patience and your sanity.  It pushes you to the edge and then lets you dangle there by a thread!  You want to cry but you can't, you want to give up, but you owe it to your child and yourself to push through the pain.  Short term pain for long term gain, right?
Let me reiterate that not all babies are this way, so don't let me discourage you from having a child!  They are a blessing and there is no greater love!  However, this may be a great story to tell a teenager that thinks she/he is ready to take on "adult" activities!